


Company in Singularity

by orphan_account



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Kris and Susie are like 16/17 here, Non-Explicit Sex, Other, POV Second Person, Self-Harm, Toriel has a mostly passive role, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 06:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You found that there was no taste more delicious than pain.





	Company in Singularity

**Author's Note:**

> hey it's literally three in the morning I'm sad and I saw a post on twitter the other day about how writing in comic sans is apparently easier so I figured Fuck It let's give it a go 
> 
> sorry if it's bad it's not betad and I kinda just skimmed it instead of proof reading gg

You've been awake for hours already, but can't seem to muster the energy to pull yourself upright and out of bed. You hear your mother call for you outside your door, urging you to hurry up because you're already running late, but instead you just burrow yourself further into your sheets. You can't help but wonder, does she not like her job anymore? There's no reason for her to be running late for work, she knows you're old enough and capable enough to take yourself to school.

The door bursts open a minute later and she all but storms in, throwing your blinds open and moving to stand by your bed.

“Honestly, Kris.” She says, and you can hear the dissatisfaction on her face. “I'm going to wait in the car. If you're not down in the next 5 minutes, I'm leaving without you.” She leaves, not caring about how she almost slams your bedroom door behind her.

 

You can't help but wonder, does she not like _you_ anymore?

 

Does she regret agreeing to take in this weird human kid more than a decade ago? Her life could've been perfect now if she hadn't, with her biological son who could only be described as an overachiever at the best of times. Maybe she would've still liked your adoptive father, as well, and they wouldn't have had to go through such a messy divorce. You've always blamed yourself for it, despite what everybody says.

You hear her car pull out of the driveway, and still you make no effort to get out of bed. Minutes or hours later (you're not too sure how long it was, you're not too sure that it really matters either) you finally gather enough energy to drag yourself out of the warmth, and begun to make your way through the house. You stop to stare in the large mirror in the hall, and the you in the reflection stares back. You haven't changed out of your too-big sweater and old jeans for days, and you can't remember the last time you showered either. It doesn't matter too much anyway.

In the kitchen a pie is waiting, most likely butterscotch-cinnamon, knowing your mother. Your favorite. There's a note alongside it in her cursive handwriting, saying she hopes you feel better soon, not to eat the whole pie at once, and that she loves you.

 

You frown at the last part, not sure if it's entirely true.

 

She used to love you, years ago, when she still loved Dad too. When you were small and loud, and played Super Smashing Fighters with your brother, and would eat all your dinner and even ask for seconds. She loved you, before you got sad. You don't know why you got sad, but when you did she took you to see Father Alvin, she believed that his prayers were helping rid you of your demons, but you knew that they weren't. You got quiet, and Mom and Dad got loud, seemingly always fighting over something. Asriel would take you to your shared bedroom and hold you while the muffled yells seeped through the floorboards and ran through your feet. You told him you were fine, that you didn't need to be babied, and he'd just hold you tighter.

Dad left, and you couldn't bring yourself to eat as much. Mom tried to force you at first, but eventually waved it off as it just being a human thing, humans didn't need to eat as much as they got older. You knew she was just lying to herself, and tried to eat more. It made her happy, it made Asriel happy, which meant it made you happy. You became addicted to the raw, burning feeling in the back of your throat when you'd force the dinner your mother so lovingly prepared for you back up after everybody was asleep.

 

You found that there was no taste more delicious than pain.

 

As time went on your desire to hurt morphed and grew, like a hungry beast that demanded more, _more,_ **_more._ **What started as throwing up your dinner morphed into throwing up every meal. When that was no longer enough, you'd go days without eating, the hunger causing pain through your whole body, and the moment you'd finally let it taste the smallest amount of anything, it was right back to throwing it up. You'd even try to force it when you had nothing in your stomach, the burn of dry heaving was ten times more intense than when something came up with it.

You tried external pain, too. Burning your fingers with matches and cutting into your flesh with a craft knife you hid beneath your mattress. It wasn't as intense as the pain you'd feel inside your body, but it served as a means when you couldn't hurt yourself in the way you preferred.

 

You met a girl named Susie. You never thought you wanted to actually die, but when it was staring you in the face, you figured you wouldn't really mind. She accused you of wanting to get her expelled, and you didn't say anything. She told you she hated quiet people, and you just shrugged it off. She seemed to have given up at that, and popped another stick of chalk into her mouth. You asked if you could try, she looked at you strangely but humored you regardless. The chalk tasted disgusting, but it was sharp against your throat when you swallowed, and coated your insides with a fine powder that made you cough.

 

Not bad, you said, and Susie laughed.

 

Susie gave you a reason to get out of bed in the morning, even if it usually meant skipping class anyway. She told you that she lived with her dad and he sucked, but he was almost always some form of intoxicated or passed out so it was easy for her to steal his cheap beer and cigarettes. At first you just remained in Susie's presence while she smoked and drank by the lake, but one day you decided to give it a go, and it wasn't as bad as your mother made it out to be (though you'd definitely never tell her you were doing this). You figured you were already a bad enough kid as it was, smoking and drinking wouldn't really add too much to the pile of ‘Shit Kris Has Done Wrong In Their Life’.

You gave Susie your first kiss. She tasted like chalk, cigarettes, and cheap alcohol, but you're almost certain you tasted the exact same. She wasn't a great kisser, but you're almost certain you weren't all too much better either. You were both just a couple of dumb teenagers who added making out to their list of things they do while skipping school together.

One day, you decided to bite the bullet and have sex, like any other good teenage delinquents probably do. You were excited, anticipating whatever kind of new pain this beast of a girl was going to introduce you to. Instead, she was gentle, treating you like some precious thing that'd shatter if she so much as even touched you.

 

You were disappointed, but you'd never tell her that.

 

The next time, you told her she could be more rough, that you wouldn't mind the pain. She said that she was so gentle last time because of the scars and fresh wounds littering the tops of your thighs, and she didn't want to put you in any pain. For the first time in forever, you laughed.

From then on she'd bite you and scratch you, drawing blood. Sometimes she'd fuck you against a tree, the rough bark digging into your back and no doubt leaving splinters. One time she even stubbed a cigarette out against your skin, and you came immediately. She freaked out and apologized profusely, saying she did it without thinking, but you told her it was fine. You both eventually developed a routine of drink, smoke, make out, and have sex in the woods. Not always in that order, but it usually was.

 

Sitting by the lake with her, you smiled. You weren't sure if you loved her, and you weren't sure if she loved you, but you were there for each other and that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> idk how it ended up like that Susie wasn't even meant to be in this but idk. if it's what the Font Gods want I guess it's fine!


End file.
